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Posts Tagged ‘teachers’

Final Exam

Just before the final exam in my college finance class, a less-than-stellar student approached me.

“Can you tell me what grade I would need to get on the exam to pass the course?” he asked.

I gave him the bad news. “The exam is worth 100 points, but you would need 113 points to earn a D for the course.”

“OK,” he said. “And how many points would I need to get a C?”

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Chatty Sally

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school.

Her marks were good, mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”

Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.”

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Basketball Fan

A first-grade teacher can’t believe her student isn’t excited about the Super Bowl. “It’s a huge event. Why aren’t you excited?”

“Because I’m not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too,” says the student.

“Well, that’s a lousy reason,” says the teacher. “What if your parents were complete fools? What would you be then?”

“Then I’d be a football fan.”

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Cutting Class

“Jill,” a principal reprimanded the teenager he caught sneaking around in the hall, “do you mind telling me whose class you’re cutting this time?”

“Like,” the young teen replied, “uh, see, okay, like it’s like, I really don’t like, think like, that’s really important, y’know, like because I’m, y’know, like I don’t get anything out of it.”

“It’s Mrs. Dull’s English class again, isn’t it?” replied the principal smirking.

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Three Little Pigs

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, “and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, “Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?”

The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?”

One little boy raised his hand and said, “I think he said ‘Holy crap! A talking pig!’”

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Empty Stomach

Young Mia, only four years old, returned home from her school complaining, ‘Mummy, I’ve got a stomach ache.’

‘That’s because your stomach is empty,’ Sarah, her mother replied kindly. ‘You’ll feel better when you have something in it.’

She made Mia a small snack and sure enough, Mia felt better immediately.

Later that afternoon Mia’s class tutor dropped by to see Sarah. While she was chatting with Mia’s mum, she mentioned she’d had a bad headache all day long.

Mia perked up straightaway and announced to her teacher, ‘That’s because it’s empty. You’d feel better if you had something in it!’

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6th Grade Biology

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued, “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

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Mid-Term Exam

Professor Sullivan was teaching a graduate level class at New York University.

On the mid-term exam he included a huge amount of material. As the exam started, tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud, some murmuring comments under their breaths as they were answering the midterm questions.

The following week Professor Sullivan tossed the graded papers on his desk and announced, “Class, after I left here last week, God spoke to me. Want to guess what he told me?”

The students’ full attention turned to the professor, some hoping he would toss the papers in the garbage bin and forget all about them.

After a brief pause, Professor Sullivan continued, “He said: ‘Thanks, professor. I haven’t heard from some of those people since they left grade school!’”

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Football Tryouts

A college football coach was holding tryouts for the team one day, and a huge, hulking freshman showed up on the field and said he’d never played football, but he’d like to give it a shot.
“Can you tackle?” asked the coach. The freshman looked around and spotted a telephone pole at the edge of the field. Without any delay or any padding, he charged smack into the pole, shattering it to splinters.
“Wow,” said the coach. “I’m impressed! Can you run?”
“Sure,” said the freshman. He took off and dashed from one end of the field to the other and back, faster than anyone the coach had ever seen.
“That’s great!” said the coach. He tossed a ball to the young man and asked, “Do you think you can pass a football?”
The freshman turned the ball over in his hands, hesitating for a few seconds, and shrugged. “Well, sir,” he said, “If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it!”

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Lost Boots

At the end of one cold winter day, when all the other children were leaving, the teacher found one little kid crying, so she asked him what was wrong.

He sobbed, “I can’t find my boots.”

The teacher looked around the classroom and saw a pair of boots. “Are these yours?”

“No, they’re not mine,” said the little boy, shaking his head.

The teacher and the boy searched all over the classroom for his boots.

Finally, the teacher gave up, “Are you sure those boots are not yours?”

“I’m sure,” the boy sobbed, “mine had snow on them.”

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