Advertisement
Advertisement
 

Posts Tagged ‘doctor’

Curing Fears

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink in search of a solution.
“Just put yourself in my hands for a few months”, said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?” I asked.
“Eighty dollars per visit”, replied the doctor.
“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
“Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?”, he asked.
“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week is almost a $1000 a month and my bartender cured me for $10.00.”
“Is that so?” the doctor said, with a bit of an attitude. “And just how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”

Rate This Post :

Playing Doctor

The seven-year old girl comes back home from school and her mom asks her how her day was, and what she did at school.
She tells her mo, “I had fun, we learned about people whose job is to help other people and then at recess a boy from my class asked me to play doctor.”
“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “and what happened, honey?”
“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

Rate This Post :

Out at the Game

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.

As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up nuts!” And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, “Down Nuts!” And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, “Cheer nuts!” And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going well, he decides to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied, “Well, everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, PEANUTS!’”

Rate This Post :

First Pregnancy

A man and his wife were expecting their first child and went for their fist visit at the doctor’s office.

After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink.

The husband asked, “What’s that for doctor?”

The doctor replied, “It’s nothing really, just helps us with the appointments.”

The couple was curious what the stamp read so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.

In very tiny letters, the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me.”

Rate This Post :

Breakfast Argument

Husband, who is a doctor, and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, “What took you so long to answer the phone?”
She says, “I was in bed.”
“In bed this early, doing what?”
“Getting a second opinion!”

Rate This Post :

Big Decision

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, “You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you’d like to talk about or ask me?”

“Well,” he said, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”

“That’s a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?”

“Yeah, and they’re in favor 15 to 2.”

Rate This Post :

Paddy’s Son

Paddy was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor’s every move, he asked, “What’s that?”
The doctor explained, “This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won’t know a thing.”
“Save your time, Doc,” exclaimed Paddy. “He don’t know nothing now.”

Rate This Post :

Doctor’s Office

I walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked me what I had. I said: ‘Shingles.’ So she wrote down my name, address, medical insurance number and told me to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked me what I had.
I said, ‘Shingles’ So she wrote down my height, weight, a complete medical history and told me to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked me what I had. I said, ‘Shingles…’ So the nurse gave me a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told me to take off all my clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found me sitting patiently in the nude and asked me what I had.
I said, ‘Shingles.’ The doctor asked, ‘Where?’
I said, ‘Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload ‘em??’

Rate This Post :

Wrong Part

Mrs. Cohn went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her complaint she replied that she suffered from a discharge.
He said: “Get undressed, Mrs. Cohn, and lie down on the examining table.”
She did, whereupon the doctor put on rubber gloves and began to examine her private parts.
After a couple of minutes he asked: “How does that feel?”
“Wonderful,” she replied, “But the discharge is from the ear.”

Rate This Post :

Wife’s Condition

A man comes to the therapist with his wife and says, “Doctor, you’ve got to help us. My wife thinks she’s a chicken!”
The wife clucks and starts pecking at the couch.
The doctor asks with wide eyes, “How long has she had this condition?”
“Two years,” says the man.
“What? Two years? Why did it take you so long to come and see me?” asked the shrink.
The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, “We needed the eggs.”

Rate This Post :
Advertisement
Categories