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My wife…
My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.
Tribal Shaman
A film crew is on location in Kenya, when a tribal shaman approaches the director and says, “Tomorrow rain.” The director pays no attention, but the following day it pours and shooting has to be delayed.
That night, the director sends his assistant to bring the shaman back. “What will be the weather tomorrow?” asks the director.
“Bigger rain tomorrow, much wind,” and sure enough a terrible storm once again delays the filming.
But then the witch doctor disappears for a week and the director, now depending on him, sends his people out to find him and bring him back to camp.
Finally, he is located and brought to the director’s tent. “What will be the weather tomorrow?” asks the director in desperation.
“No idea,” says the shaman, “Radio batteries dead.”
Your opinion…
Your opinion is very important to me, please remain on the line until it goes to voicemail.
Parents’ Job
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?”
Tim stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor.”
“That’s wonderful. How about you, Amy?”
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a mailman.”
“Thank you, Amy” said the teacher. “What does your parent do, Billy?”
Billy proudly stood up and announced, “Nothing. He’s an economist.”
The thinnest
The thinnest book in the world must be titled “What Men Know About Women.”
Weight Loss Plan
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.
Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.” As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds.
Encouraged by this success, he tries the next level of the weight loss plan – guaranteed loss of 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less.
Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program – a minimum of 25 pounds guaranteed. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up.
The next morning, waiting at the door is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around his neck that says, “If I catch you, you’re mine!”