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Pranking Ex-Wife
A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself.
“Sorry, he doesn’t live here anymore, we’re divorced!” comes the response.
Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results.
He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling.
“Look, Bozo! We’re divorced! Finito! End of story! When are you going to get that through your fat head?” yells bac the angered ex-wife.
“Oh, I know! I just can’t hear it enough!” says the guy before hanging up.
If you see…
If you see me smiling it’s because I’m thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it’s because I’ve already done it.
Wedding Vows
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer.
“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor, and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He slipped the priest the cash and walked away.
The wedding day arrived. When it came time for the groom’s vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said, “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”
The groom gulped and looked around and then said in a tiny voice, “I do.”
After the ceremony, the groom pulled the priest aside and hissed, “I thought we had a deal.”
The priest slipped the $100 back into the man’s hand and whispered, “The bride’s father made me a much better offer.”
Whatever you…
Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood.
Celebrating Baptism
Before celebrating a baptism, the deacon approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you sure you’re prepared for it?”
“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests.”
“I don’t mean that,” the deacon replied. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”
“Oh sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”
No, thanks…
“No, thanks. I’m a vegetarian.” is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.