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I once…

I once worked as a salesman and was very independent; I took orders from no one.

Slow Train

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
“What’s going on?” she yells out the window.
“Cow on the track!” replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, “What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?”

Work hard…

Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.

Wife’s Demand

A woman, completely fed up with her husbands internet browsing obsession finally takes matter into her own hands.
One night, as he is sitting at the computer, she goes into the bedroom, takes off all her clothes, puts on a pair of sexy lingerie and she posts herself between her husband and his monitor. She leans forward and whispers, “Time for super sex.”
He ignores her. So, she starts saying it louder and eventually yells, “Super Sex” “Super Sex” “Super Sex”.
Finally, he replies, “Ok, I’ll take the soup.”

One day you…

One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.

Pastor’s Children

A pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s expanding salary.
A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, ‘Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, ‘Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubber shoes.’
The entire congregation said, ‘Amen.’

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