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Freshman Test
While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.
“What are they doing?” she asked the tour guide.
“Each year,” he replied with a grin, “the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard.”
When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the curious lady asked the guide: “So, what’s the answer?”
The guide replied: “One.”
I changed…
I changed my password to “incorrect”, so anytime I forget and enter the wrong thing, the computer tells me what it is.
My wife told…
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
4D Experience
A new supermarket opened near my house. They feature 4D experience while shopping to bring you closer to nature.
There is an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and you smell fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg fridge, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying with bacon.
The bakery department features the smell of freshly baked bread and cakes.
I don’t buy toilet paper there anymore.
My grandma …
My grandma always said “Slow and steady wins the race.” She died in a fire.
Lost Cat
“Hello, police department? I’ve lost my cat and… ”
“I’m sorry lady, but this is not a police job, you can try calling…”
“But you don’t understand, this is a very intelligent cat. He is almost human. He can practically talk.”
“Well, in that case ma’am, you’d better hang up. He may be trying to call you right now.”