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My first child…

My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account.

Early Call

A man was the first to arrive at work one morning. The phone rang and he answered. When the caller asked for some specific information, the man explained that it was before normal business hours but that he would help if he could.
“What’s your job there?” the caller asked.
The man replied, “I’m the company president.”
There was a pause. Then the caller said, “I’ll call back later. I need to talk to someone who knows something about what’s going on.”

Hard Working Farmer

A farmer and his recently hired hand were eating an early breakfast of biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee that the farmer’s wife had prepared for them. Thinking of all the work they had to get done that day, the farmer told the hired man he might as well go ahead and eat his lunch too.
The hired man didn’t say a word, but filled his plate a second time and proceeded to eat. After awhile the farmer said, “We’ve got so much work to do today, you might as well eat your supper now too.”
Again, the hired man didn’t respond but refilled his plate a third time and continued to eat. Finally, after eating his third plate of food, the hired man pushed back his chair and began to take off his shoes.
“What are you doing”? the farmer asked.
The hired man replied, “I don’t work after supper.”

I love how…

I love how in horror movies the person will ask, “Is anyone there?” As if the killer would say “Oh yeah I’m in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?”

They say…

They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts.

Giving Thanks

A 4-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before a big dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation.
He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.
Then he paused, and everyone waited–and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, “If I thank God for the broccoli, won’t he know that I’m lying?”

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