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Wedding Night
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who he has never been with a woman before.
After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback.They end up getting married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.
“What happened?” she asks.
“Well, I’ve never been with a woman,” he says, “but if it’s anything like a kangaroo, I’m gonna need all the room I can get.”
May all your…
May all your troubles last as long as your New Years resolutions!
What’s for Dinner
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife.
“Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” said the husband.
“Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn’t reply, move about five feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we’ll get an idea about the severity of her deafness.”
Sure enough, the husband went home and did exactly as instructed. He started off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she was chopping some vegetables and said,”Honey, what’s for dinner?” He heard no response so he moved about five feet closer and asked again. No reply. He moved five feet closer. Still no reply. He got fed up and moved right behind her, about an inch away, and asked again, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Annoyed, the wife replied, “For the fourth time, vegetable stew!”
Life didn’t…
Life didn’t work out, but everything else is not that bad.
The Big Bad Wolf
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
“My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf”, says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
“My what big ears you have, Mr Wolf”, says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. Some distance further down the track Little Red Riding Hood again encounters the Big Bad Wolf, this time crouched behind a road sign.
“My what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf”, taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, “Will you knock it off, I’m trying to take a dump!”
Lawyers really aren’t…
Lawyers really aren’t all so bad, it’s just ninety-nine percent of lawyers that make the rest look bad.